CHAPTER 2 TREEHOUSE: THE MOVIE If you’re like most of our readers, you’re probably wondering if we’re ever going to make a Treehouse movie. Well … guess what? We’re making one right now! We’ve got lights … cameras … chairs with our names on the backs … and a big shot Hollywood movie director called Mr Big Shot calling the shots … ‘CUT!’ yells Mr Big Shot. ‘That’s BORING!’ ‘But that’s how I always start the book,’ I say. ‘This is NOT a book,’ barks Mr Big Shot through his megaphone. ‘It’s a MOVIE!’ ‘Well, yes,’ I say, ‘I know that and you know that, but I was just explaining it to the readers …’ ‘Readers?’ barks Mr Big Shot. ‘I’m not interested in readers! I make MOVIES for movie fans who want ACTION, EXCITEMENT and THRILLS, not talking! Who are you, anyway?’ ‘I’m Andy,’ I say. ‘I’m the narrator.’ ‘Narrator?’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘We don’t need a narrator.’ ‘But I’m also one of the main characters.’ ‘Hmmm,’ says Mr Big Shot, frowning. ‘What about that other guy? The funny one with the curly hair. Where’s he?’ ‘Here he comes now,’ I say, as Terry runs onto the set with his pants on fire. ‘Get out of the way!’ says Terry, running between me and Mr Big Shot. He reaches the edge of the deck and leaps off. ‘Did he just jump into the shark tank?!’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘Yep,’ I sigh. ‘That’s Terry for you.’ We peer over the edge. ‘Are you all right?’ shouts Mr Big Shot. ‘Much better now my pants aren’t on fire,’ says Terry. ‘But you’re in a tank full of man-eating sharks!’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘Yikes,’ says Terry. ‘I meant to jump into the swimming pool!’ Terry swims to the side of the tank and tries to climb out. He’s fast, but one of the sharks is faster. It surges up behind him, opens its enormous mouth and chomps down on Terry’s freshly barbecued behind … The electrocuted shark spits Terry out with such force that he flies up into the air and lands sprawled on the deck in front of us. ‘That … was … electrifying!’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘Here, let me help you up.’ He reaches down and grabs Terry’s hand. The electric shock sends Mr Big Shot flying backwards. He crashes into one of the camera operators and then falls to the ground. ‘Sorry,’ says Terry. ‘I must still be electricorn-ified.’ ‘Electri-what-ified?’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘Well,’ says Terry, ‘I used the combining machine to cross an electric eel with a unicorn to make an electricorn … ‘but then a bolt of lightning shot out of the electricorn’s horn, hit the back of my pants and they caught on fire.’ Mr Big Shot roars with laughter. ‘What’s so funny?’ says Terry. ‘You are,’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘You’re a LAUGH RIOT!!! This will make a great opening sequence for the movie!’ ‘But I always do the opening sequence!’ I say. ‘In the book, yes,’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘But this is NOT a book … this is a movie! And Terry is going to be the star!’ ‘Me?’ says Terry. ‘A movie star?’ ‘Him?’ I say. ‘A movie star? But what about me?’ ‘I already told you,’ says Mr Big Shot, ‘we don’t need a narrator.’ He turns his attention back to Terry. ‘Is that electricorn still there?’ ‘Yes, I guess so,’ says Terry. ‘Well, what are we waiting for?’ says Mr Big Shot. ‘Come on, everybody—except for Andy— let’s go and film a re-enactment!’